I'm having trouble blogging right now because there is so much going on that I can't share just yet and my heart and mind are all jumbled. So instead of telling you about what's going on right now I thought I'd share a bit of our story....As a little girl I can remember hearing about children who didn't have a family and my heart went out to them. I didn't even know the word 'orphan' yet, but I knew that one day I wanted to help one of those kids and give them a family. The way I saw it then was that I wanted to bless one of these kids in some way, but what I didn't realize then was that God intended to bless ME through adoption!
In my head I can understand that God calls us all to get involved in the lives of orphans. James 1:27 says "religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress." Not to make this a selfish endeavor, but when we do this He pours His blessing out on US...can you believe how amazing our God is?! Several months ago we clearly heard God's call to adopt, and since then we have had a front row seat to His work! I can't tell you the exact moment that I knew we were supposed to do this...it was more like a gradual awareness of it, and a peace...but at some point Clint and I looked at each other and said we're going to adopt...and we're going to do it now, aren't we?! Maybe that seems anticlimactic but that's how it happened.
Let me back it up a little.... When Clint and I met we felt a spark - a certain something that I couldn't quite figure out. I fought it for a long time but decided to keep praying and seeking God's will for us. Meanwhile, Clint was praying too...we both knew we had to get this right. We were both adamant that this was it...marriage is sacred and there will be no reversing it. I was divorced previously and had seen how devastating that can be first hand. Plus, there were kids watching us...and not just Matthew, but all of the students that both of us were involved with, and we knew we had to be a testimony to God's plan for marriage. Thankfully we both realized that the only way we could do that was to give it completely to God...and so we prayed...and prayed...and prayed...for 6 solid months! I am SO grateful for this time. It not only laid the foundation for our marriage (which is more incredible than I ever could have imagined marriage to be), but it prepared us to hit the ground running. Clint works tirelessly for our students which is a big job. This is a huge blessing to both of us...but it also makes for a crazy life!
Apparently we like 'crazy' though (Matt will quickly agree!), because we found ourselves praying fervently for more kids. Our students are amazing, and they responded by bringing friends to youth group activities and we saw so many new faces at church on a weekly basis...but after 6 months of praying these prayers God threw us a curve ball. He told us that He had even more kids in His plans for us - we just had to go to Kazakhstan!
Obviously this was exciting news! God wanted us to add to our family quickly, and He was doing it in such a super special way. We were thrilled, but we were hit with doubts...and lots of them. How will we be qualified to do this? We've only been married a year. Where are we going to get the money? No adoption agency will want to work with us. Would our families, friends and church support us? We don't speak their language...how will we be able to communicate? And the worst was whether or not we'd be able to love them the same way we love Matt. I'm not proud to admit those things.
The verse God kept bringing me to was this... God will make this happen, for He who calls you is faithful. -1 Thessalonians 5:24... and the reality of it hit me. We can't, but God can...and will. Not because of our goodness or merit, but because He is faithful and wouldn't call us to do something and then leave us hanging. We are flying blind, living day by day in total faith...because that's the only way we can. God intended for us to be up against something so huge that we had to admit there was no possible way that we could make even half of it work - that's the only way that we, as stubborn and sinful humans, would rely on Him completely. And I'm here to say that there is a lot of FREEDOM in that! :) So here is my probably lame analogy... I used to be the director of a department that created and ran a big international, multi-million dollar program (my successes had absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God). While it was awesome to see God work through me that way, it was also an incredibly heavy load to carry - I was the boss and everything that happened (or didn't happen) was my ultimate responsibility. If you've ever been 'the boss' you know what I mean...you don't sleep well, and chances are you have ulcers too. The good news is that it's not like that with God -- we can find peace in knowing that He ultimately takes responsibility for working out all the details, and whether it goes the way we want it to or not, we don't have to lose sleep over it! Yes, I still have to do my part, but at the end of the day I'm not the one truly carrying the load. Thank you God!!
Through our one little step of faith - saying okay to God's calling - we are seeing, in a whole new way, how faithful, loving, sovereign and merciful He really is. He has answered our concerns and quieted our fears with amazing quickness and tenderness. The adoption agency accepted us within hours of receiving our application. Our family, friends and church were thrilled for us...and we found out that God had also called our friends to adopt as well. When the bill for the first big chunk of money arrived we couldn't pay it, so we prayed quickly about it that morning...and by the afternoon more than enough unexpectedly arrived. And the best part was that our hearts quickly began to ache to be able to meet and hold our child!
Faith isn't always easy! In fact, it can be really tough, and it often comes with a cost. But God says "I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness - secret riches." (Isaiah 45:3) He wants us to do the hard thing and look in the dark and dirty places that aren't easy to get to, because that is where He is at work - and where His treasures are! He may not be calling you to adopt, but He is probably calling you to do something hard this very day, and it is my prayer that you will say yes to Him and receive the treasure that He has for you.
Much love,
Lauren
The verse God kept bringing me to was this... God will make this happen, for He who calls you is faithful. -1 Thessalonians 5:24... and the reality of it hit me. We can't, but God can...and will. Not because of our goodness or merit, but because He is faithful and wouldn't call us to do something and then leave us hanging. We are flying blind, living day by day in total faith...because that's the only way we can. God intended for us to be up against something so huge that we had to admit there was no possible way that we could make even half of it work - that's the only way that we, as stubborn and sinful humans, would rely on Him completely. And I'm here to say that there is a lot of FREEDOM in that! :) So here is my probably lame analogy... I used to be the director of a department that created and ran a big international, multi-million dollar program (my successes had absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God). While it was awesome to see God work through me that way, it was also an incredibly heavy load to carry - I was the boss and everything that happened (or didn't happen) was my ultimate responsibility. If you've ever been 'the boss' you know what I mean...you don't sleep well, and chances are you have ulcers too. The good news is that it's not like that with God -- we can find peace in knowing that He ultimately takes responsibility for working out all the details, and whether it goes the way we want it to or not, we don't have to lose sleep over it! Yes, I still have to do my part, but at the end of the day I'm not the one truly carrying the load. Thank you God!!
Through our one little step of faith - saying okay to God's calling - we are seeing, in a whole new way, how faithful, loving, sovereign and merciful He really is. He has answered our concerns and quieted our fears with amazing quickness and tenderness. The adoption agency accepted us within hours of receiving our application. Our family, friends and church were thrilled for us...and we found out that God had also called our friends to adopt as well. When the bill for the first big chunk of money arrived we couldn't pay it, so we prayed quickly about it that morning...and by the afternoon more than enough unexpectedly arrived. And the best part was that our hearts quickly began to ache to be able to meet and hold our child!
Faith isn't always easy! In fact, it can be really tough, and it often comes with a cost. But God says "I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness - secret riches." (Isaiah 45:3) He wants us to do the hard thing and look in the dark and dirty places that aren't easy to get to, because that is where He is at work - and where His treasures are! He may not be calling you to adopt, but He is probably calling you to do something hard this very day, and it is my prayer that you will say yes to Him and receive the treasure that He has for you.
Much love,
Lauren
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