eyes on The Prize

I need to let everyone know that I am not writing this blog because I think I am really wise or in any way qualified to 'teach' you anything. In fact, I struggle with just the opposite and still have to smile at God's calling to be a pastor's wife. :) I am writing it to share my heart in a completely transparent way, and to help me sort through the powerful feelings I am having as we answer the call to adopt. In short, I am doing this to be faithful. If it gets confusing, or messy, or I use bad grammar, or its not funny enough, or you don't like what I have to say -- I am sorry. If you can challenge me biblically, or give me assistance, or add insights of your own -- please do! If you want to ask questions, or hold us accountable, or encourage us, or love us in spite of our flaws -- please do! If there is anything I can do for you, or anything you want me to share about -- please ask!

That being said, here is what has been on my heart for the past few days...

When you are adopting so much of your time and attention are focused on the process that it is so easy to forget that our ultimate "prize" isn't really our child, it's The Child. Please understand, our littlest Brogdon is a most amazing prize and is incredibly wanted and loved already...no less than a child that grows inside me. Those who know me know how much I love being a wife and mom, and I in no way mean to confuse people or lead them to believe that my family isn't extremely important to me. My family is such a cherished gift!  But sometimes I struggle with letting other things in my life come before God. We are clearly called to keep God first...with nothing between us and Him...and sometimes this is easy, when things are obvious. But when its something that is otherwise good, like adoption, the lines are much more blurry...and I struggle with this. Keeping our eyes on Him isn't a selfish request on His part...it's for our benefit...because when we take our eyes off of The Prize to focus on the temporal prize we sink like Peter.

Do we love God more today than we did before? That is the ultimate reason for our journey -- in this adoption story, but in life too -- to get to know Him more, and then to love Him more. Everything else is just "chasing the wind" as Solomon so wisely puts it in Ecclesiastes (thank you Sunday School!). God did not call us to adopt because we are the best parents He could find (I have to laugh at that one!), it was because He wants to deepen our relationship with Him! Through the struggles, setbacks, challenges, excitement and joy, the point is Christ. The other day I looked at the counter at the bottom of the blog and saw that we have been 'waiting' for a little over four months already...and I got discouraged...until I realized that I understand more of His heart than before and I am at least closer to yearning for Him the way I want to.

We are SO blessed to be called to adopt - doubly blessed in fact. Not only is God blessing us with a wonderful new child and member of our family, but He gifts us with a deeper relationship with Him as well. Wow - I stand in awe!


Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:2